Many children with autism or ADHD experience fears, and that’s completely normal. Because these conditions come with their own unique challenges, I use gentle, personalized strategies that help children manage their fears while also supporting their overall development.

 

Unusual fears or phobias are intense, irrational fears of certain objects, animals, situations, or activities. These fears can become so overwhelming that they prevent a child—or even an adult—from entering certain environments or leaving the house. For example, a fear of airplanes might stop someone from traveling to places they’ve always dreamed of or from accepting exciting job opportunities.

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Hypersensitivity refers to a very low—or even zero—tolerance for certain sensory experiences, like loud noises in public spaces, some clothing's texture or the feel or taste of certain foods. It can also show up as a strong discomfort in new situations or around unfamiliar people.

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Some of the most common fears in children with autism include fear of toilets, bugs, spiders, dogs, vacuum cleaners, thunderstorms, heights, escalators, stairs, car rides, rain, or taking the metro.

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These fears may seem unusual or overwhelming, but they are very real for the child—and with the right support, they can be gently and effectively addressed.

(Susan Dickerson Mayes and comp, 2013, Unusual fears in children with autism)

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Some signs that may show a child is experiencing fear or high sensitivity to certain stimuli include:

• Crying or trying to move away from the object or situation

• Freezing or becoming very still

• Shaking or trembling

• Shortness of breath or feeling dizzy

• Increased heart rate

• Dry mouth or upset stomach

• Covering their ears, eyes, or nose

• Refusing certain foods, vomiting, or making faces of discomfort

• Scratching, pulling at, or refusing to wear clothes, shoes, hats, or blankets

These reactions may be triggered by specific sounds, textures, smells, or even environments. 

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When we address fears and hypersensitivities, we often refer to a process called desensitization. This means gently helping a child increase their tolerance to certain sounds, textures, situations, or objects that initially feel overwhelming or frightening—until those reactions become manageable or even disappear. The goal is not to eliminate all fear, but to help the child develop a healthy response. For example, it’s reasonable to be cautious around a bee, especially for someone with an allergy—but a paralyzing fear of any flying insect can limit everyday experiences.

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Sometimes, when fears or avoidances are unintentionally reinforced or accepted by caregivers, it can lead to the child avoiding more and more things over time. Instead, we want to help children build tolerance, so they can gradually engage with the world around them. By supporting these small, steady steps, we empower children to grow more confident and resilient in the face of discomfort or uncertainty.

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We all learn courage from the adults who are there with us when we’re scared—those who give us space to fail, encourage us to try again, let us pull away for a moment, and then gently guide us back to try once more. Over time, we get a taste of “it’s not that bad”—and eventually, that incredible feeling of success when we get ourselves to do something we once feared. Think about learning to ride a bike, or aiming and throwing a ball into a bucket or hoop. At first, it seems impossible. Then, one day, it just clicks.

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All learning follows this path, in its own pace. It often begins with repeated failures and no clear signs of progress. Then comes a clumsy stage—shaky body, awkward movements—but suddenly, we sense a small shift. Maybe 25% of the skill shows up. We don’t calculate it, we just feel it—and that little success compels us to keep going. Eventually, that skill becomes natural. The frustration fades, replaced by joy and confidence. Now that the skill is there, we are ready for the next challenge.

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