In our daily interactions with the world around us, we naturally develop different behaviors.

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Behavior includes everything we do—both on the outside and on the inside. On the inside, we experience thoughts, emotions, sensations, and mental images. On the outside, we speak, move, act, and react.

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We act the way we do because we've learned—either through repetition or personal experience—that our behavior helps us achieve something: it makes us feel good, helps us get something we want or need, or allows us to avoid something unpleasant. When we talk about what a behavior helps us achieve or avoid, we refer to that as its function. In other words, we use a behavior because it serves a purpose.

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This is true for everyone—children, teenagers, and adults alike.

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Let’s look at a simple example: imagine a child who already knows how to ask for things or take what they need by themselves, but still chooses to cry instead. Why might this happen? Most likely, they’ve learned that crying works—it helps them get what they want or avoid what they don’t like. This response has a history, and even when adults encourage them to use words instead, they might stick with the strategy they know best: crying.

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Our goal isn’t to take away the child’s need or desire, but rather to help them use a more effective and socially accepted behavior to meet that same need. For example, instead of crying, we guide them to ask using language. We do this through a process of prompting (helping them use the new behavior) and reinforcing (rewarding the use of the desired behavior).

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At the same time, we reduce the crying by not reinforcing it anymore—when the child cries to get something, we gently prompt them to use their words instead. This process is called extinction.

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What’s happening here is that we are building a new path for the same function: we want the child to still want things, still express their needs—but in a way that works better for everyone. By consistently reinforcing the new behavior and not the old one, the new behavior becomes stronger and eventually replaces the old one.

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This same idea applies when we want to get rid of something.

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Humans have a wide range of behaviors available to them. We can add new ones, refine existing ones, or let go of those that no longer serve us. But at the heart of every behavior is a function—a need that it helps us meet.

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When we work with challenging behaviors, it’s important to understand both the history behind the behavior and the factors that are maintaining (or reinforcing) it. These are key to helping bring about meaningful and lasting change.

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In children with autism or ADHD, it’s common to encounter challenging behaviors. And often, these very behaviors can get in the way of learning new skills. But here’s the good news: those new skills, once acquired, often help reduce the problematic behaviors in return.

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By working together with patience, understanding, and consistency, we can support children in building more effective, meaningful behaviors that help them thrive.​​​